


Looking Too Closely

by Mitsuboshi



Category: The iDOLM@STER Cinderella Girls
Genre: Emotional Hurt, F/F, My Cute Self and the 142's, Older Characters, Unrequited Love, Various cameos and mentions from other imas works
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-25
Updated: 2017-11-25
Packaged: 2019-02-06 13:54:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12818952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mitsuboshi/pseuds/Mitsuboshi
Summary: After all these years, after all has been said and done, are you satisfied?





	Looking Too Closely

A thunderous applause; roaring cheers. They echoed throughout countless concert halls and events, blending the cheers of different people into one singular noise that could happen anywhere, anytime. A noise that carried gratitude, happiness, maybe even cries from witnessing a beautiful performance. Who were those cheers for?

Why, they were for me.

It's rather vain, I know. Actually, that's something I would have said years ago. Even if I was standing there with the other idols -- my friends -- I still believed that the crowds were all focused on me. The talent I showed off in each performance, the cuteness which graced my appearance; these alluring qualities captivated them, their eyes gazing upon me as if I was an angel of song descending from heaven. They gave me the attention I demanded, the attention I rightfully deserved.

And yet....

A sudden thought jolted me from my musings, and brought me back to reality. Reality. The blended memories of crowds and cheers from the time I was 14 faded, and I found myself in the present. No longer a cute girl of 14, but a beautiful woman of 24. Okay, it doesn't hurt to say I'm still cute. Time has been good to me. Yet there were still things time has changed or outright reduced to dust.

Speaking of time, tonight was pretty significant in that regard: Christmas Eve. The magical time of year filled with bright lights, and an abundance of glistening decorations. The festive spirit all leading up to such a splendid day. But like many other holidays over the years, it didn't quite hold the same magic as it did before. Maybe it would feel more like Christmas if I actually decorated my place. Right now, it felt like any other night. Only it was to be spent with another person.

I checked my clock, relieved that I still had about 20 minutes before they showed up. Not like I needed to fix my apartment. I kept the place spotless on a constant basis. What I could really use right now while I had time was a stress reliever: a cigarette.

 _Really?_ I could almost hear my 14-year-old self ask in the back of my head. _That's bad for your health! Do you want to taint your own cuteness?_ Well guess what? I still have my charms. It'll take more than some nicotine to destroy my God-given beauty.

Besides, on nights like these, I could really use a smoke.

The door to my balcony slid open with hardly a sound, and I stepped out into the chilly air to do my usual routine. Taking out a pack, I stuck the cigarette between my teeth, held up my pink lighter, and lit it up. The mere act took only a matter of seconds. Once ablaze, I took a moment and closed my eyes, inhaling the smoke I’ve grown accustomed to, and basked in the flavor.

Alright, I did think it's a little odd sometimes. Who would ever suspect I, Sachiko Koshimizu, would have ever taken up smoking? It wasn't something I did in front of my colleagues. In fact, the public at large probably didn't realize I smoked either. I didn’t hold it as some closely guarded secret, but it would be seriously annoying if the paparazzi got a shot of me holding a pack. Honestly my home is my only haven to do it in peace. (Even if someone could potentially see me from the balcony, I highly doubt someone is taking pictures of me right now. I'm not _that_ paranoid).

I pulled the cigarette away from my mouth, letting a steady stream of smoke escape my pale lips. I watched it drift in the night air as thin wisps, dissipating against the backdrop of the brightly lit cityscape. The cycle of releasing smoke and observing it disappear was like a ritual; just the act of watching was almost more satisfying than the nicotine itself. Just something about it brought along some sense of calm.

Of course, my quiet moment would only last as long as the drifting smoke; _she_ would be here any moment now, which filled me with both excitement and dread. She had been home for a couple days already since returning from her trip, but it wasn't until tonight that we would get the chance to really catch up. Ah, I wouldn’t feel uncomfortable about seeing her if it wasn't for the fact that I DIDN'T BUY HER A CHRISTMAS PRESENT.

A couple hours ago I notified her about this in advance, and she didn't sound disappointed. But how could I, someone highly considerate and thoughtful, mess this up? Nothing says ‘welcome home’ like no gifts to show I care. Even with my busy schedule in the way, it shouldn’t be an excuse not to buy a gift for someone so important to me. Especially when they’ve been slogging through their own hard work.

I shook my head to rattle those worries away. I'll just have to make up for it somehow.

Gazing across the balcony one last time, I quickly disposed of my cigarette and walked back inside towards the kitchen, shutting the door behind me. I glanced up at the clock: eight minutes. Enough time to prepare some snacks and drinks for tonight’s activities.

I looked among the various gifts I had organized on the counter, bags and boxes given to me by staff members and adoring fans. For a second I wondered if I should just repurpose one of them for my guest’s present, but I brush aside such a distasteful idea. Instead, I grabbed a box of caramel popcorn from a gift basket, and poured it into a large bowl sitting on a tray. This brand was the ‘healthier’ snacking choice; all the rage these days among my colleagues. One of the office ladies at the agency gave it to me. How much healthier it was, I can’t say, but at least it tasted better compared to the fatty stuff you pop in the microwave. Not like my guest had a preference anyway. I hastily opened up the fridge and grabbed two beers (quite the quality brand I might add, gluten free), setting them neatly on each side of the bowl.

There. Nice and ready for a Christmas movie night.

To say I was extremely eager to watch the movie wouldn't exactly be truthful. We weren’t watching some heart warming holiday tale. It was the exact opposite. It’s not easy to admit, but Horror movies aren't something I can normally stomach. Have me sit through one, and all you'll get out of me are frightened trembles and incoherent screams. Heck, even the sound of lighting was enough to make me duck for cover. Terror is something I'd never dare subject myself to.

But there were exceptions. Several in fact.

A soft knock on my apartment door caused me to perk up. Already eight o'clock. How punctual. I made a brisk stride to the door, and quickly opened it for my guest. I didn’t even need to check through the peephole to know it was really her. Sure enough, the steel door opened up to a very familiar face. Their baggy green jacket and slightly unkempt grey hair make it hard to confuse her for someone else. And if I had to be absolutely sure, the small mushroom she held erased any other doubt.

“Hi, Sachiko-chan...”

“Evening, Syoko-san,” I greet her with a smile. A gust of cool air came rushing in, making me shiver slightly in response. “Come inside, it’s already cold out there.”

With nothing but a small nod and a slightly awkward smile, Syoko did as asked. Closing the door shut behind us, we made our way deeper into the apartment. It wasn’t on the class of a millionaire (I didn't live in a place with lavish architecture and expensive furnishings) but it did afford me a sizeable living space on a better level than the old idol dorms. A fact I put some pride in. After all, someone of my caliber deserved to live in a comfortable home.

“I brought Shiitake-kun with me,” Syoko said happily as she set the aforementioned mushroom down on the dining table.

“Shiitake-kun?” I bent down closely to examine the potted fungus. I noticed she put a small Santa hat over it. Of course she would. “I thought you said you were bringing Shimeji-kun when you called earlier?”

“Ah yeah...” the mushroom loving girl murmured.” I was, but he’s shy....”

“Is that so?” I pondered. I'm not sure what “Shiitake-kun’s” personality was like, but any information about Syoko’s “mushroom family” were vague at best. “Anyway, you have it with you, yes?”  

Slowly bringing a hand into her bag, Syoko rummage through until her eyes lit up with satisfaction. Pulling out a DVD case, Syoko presented the cover to me. “It’s right here....”

Protected by a thin plastic sleeve was the image of a large, eerie mansion resting on a hillside, with the silhouette of an unknown ghostly figure looming over it. The title was displayed in decrepit, blood soaked font, appropriately titled _The Mansion on the Hill._ Despite such a lame sounding name, the film apparently was a smash at the box office, and even the most critical horror cynic admitted it gave them a jump or two. Not that I would know what constitutes ‘good horror’ anyway.

“Well, are you ready?” I asked as I prepared to take the DVD case from Syoko’s hand.

“Mm,” she said quietly as she handed it to me. Although shortly after, it seemed as if something else crossed her mind, and she once again reached into her bag to grab another item.

“Oh, before I forget....” Syoko trailed off, removing the item in question from her bag. It was a small box, covered in a plain red gift wrap, but topped off with a lovely velvet bow. She cradled it in her hands, presenting it to me with a warm smile. “I... got you a present.”

Immediately I brought a hand close to my opened mouth. I felt awed by her gift. I also felt increasingly guilty. “Syoko-san! Y-you shouldn’t have!” I stumbled a bit there, and Syoko clearly noticed.

“Everything alright?” She asked, looking concerned.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” I assured her. “I’m just... amazed, that’s all! Thank you....”

I stretched out my hand to grab the gift, but as I got closer, Syoko pulled it back from my reach.

“Actually...” she began, fidgeting a little. “I want you to open this up after we watch the movie.... It’s... this is suppose to be special.”

“O-oh, okay,” the tension in my chest started deflating. Did not erase the shame, however. “I will wait patiently then. So, let's begin, shall we?”

I walked towards the entertainment system, opening up my DVD player before plopping in the disk. Closing the tray, I couldn't help but stare at Syoko as she carefully set down her mushroom on the coffee table, right before taking a seat on the couch. Time certainly had its way of changing people, and she was no exception. In some ways, Syoko still remained that strange, quiet girl who liked mushrooms. But under that familiar mess of grey hair, she grew into a fine woman.

“Sachiko-chan,” Syoko spoke up, sniffing the air. “You haven't been smoking again have you?”

“And if I did?” I replied a bit bluntly.

“Well... nothing, but don't do it while we're watching. Shiitake-kun wouldn't like it. Plus it would be a terrible mood killer....”

“It's fine, not like I smoke indoors anyway,” I couldn’t help but sound a little irritated. Of course I wouldn't do it during the movie. After all this time, who did you think I am? Geez.

“Making sure, that's all,” Syoko shot back casually. “Otherwise... I might have to lock you out on the balcony.”

 _Fine woman_ alright. I still recall the days she clung close to me when we were out in public. Now I can safely say she has a lot more confidence than she did back then. Although this did lead to her developing more of an attitude....

“Anyway, it's gonna start soon,” I immediately changed course. The other movie trailers were still running, the current one showcasing Mio Honda’s new history-inspired, Hip-hop musical simply titled _HONDA: A Japanese Musical_. All of the trailers were unskippable, which at least gave me some time to (mentally) prepare myself. “I'll go grab the drinks and snacks.”

“Right-o,” Syoko acknowledged with a smile. Funny how that's enough to make my irritation disappear.

I took the tray I prepared off the counter, glancing at the clock and seeing it was 7:16. Surprisingly not late yet. A quiet night watching a horror movie wasn't the most exciting way to spend Christmas with Syoko, but it beat whatever plans I could possibly have. I didn't want to attend those big parties held by so-called ‘hot shots’. Plus everyone else was so busy with their own lives. It's quite a blessing, actually, that Syoko and I could be alone together.

I sat the tray down on the coffee table as I took my seat. Syoko snuggled a bit closer to me, resting her head on my shoulder as she let out a sigh. “I swear, Sachiko-chan,” she said a little wearily. “These last few days have been murder.... The band has plans for another tour in a couple months, and getting everything organized is a pain....”

“Is that so?” I asked as I patted her head gently. “You know I'm not good at all with your band stuff, but is there anything I can do to help?”

“You want to buy us some new equipment we need?”

“Um... no thank you.” I’m not _that_ wealthy.

“Thought so....” Syoko shrugged off the suggestion. “But we should be fine. The expenses aren’t what I’m worried about anyway.... Just the usual grind, that’s all.”

I glanced down at her face, seeing the exhaustion in her grey eyes was quite real. I couldn't help frowning. As the trailer for Kirari Moroboshi’s _Kirarin Robo: The 10th Anniversary_ played, I decided to bring the current issue I had out in the open.

“Hey, I know I talked about this with you on the phone, but I want to apologize again for the lack of a present this year.... Time was running out when I had the opportunity to decide, and I didn’t want to buy you just _anything_ when you took the time to send me that beautiful dress from San Francisco last month, and now you have a marvelous gift prepared for me--”

“Fufu...” Syoko cut off my rambling with a giggle. Without warning, she brought her lips close to my cheek, pressing against them briefly before pulling away. “I told you... I don’t need a present. I'm fine just being right here with you, Sachiko-chan.”

My face was already flushed from the kiss, but I could feel it deepen thanks to her kind words. “I-I guess I’m the most valuable present of all, huh?”

Like many things in life, I can't help but still be amazed. If my 14-year-old self would be shocked to know I smoke, then it's difficult to imagine how they'd react to the other aspects of my life. Like say, her mushroom loving, metal obsessed, crazy friend being in a relationship with me? No one definitely saw that coming. But here we are now. The most successful, elegant actress in the world together with the lead vocalist of a well respected metal band. If there's one thing that didn't change since our idol days, it's our unpredictability.

“T-this movie should be good,” Syoko stuttered a bit. That kiss probably left her a tad flustered, too. “I wasn’t around to see it when it was in theaters, but even then I didn't want to unless you were with me....”

“Don’t worry, I wouldn’t walk in there unless you were with me, too,” I said comfortingly. As we talked, the movie had yet to start, and another trailer began to play. This time it was _Cybernetics Wars 2049: The New Wars_ , starring Momoko Suou as an android detective and Hideo Akuno as a rogue, veteran human detective on the run. Not like I was eager to dive straight into the horror show, but just how many trailers were on this disk anyway!? I swear we sat through ten of them already. Oh well. At least they allowed me to get cozy with Syoko some more before I get scared to death.

“I was busy with shooting that month for my own film.” I continued with our conversation. “So I wasn’t available to watch it either even if you could.”

“That cheesy looking monster movie?”

“Y-you don't have to say it like that!” That movie was suppose to be a high budget blockbuster, with a top notch director working on it. So obviously they'd want to cast only the best to play the lead part. The costume and visuals did... look rather goofy, but put me in anything and I'll make the role shine beyond anything you can imagine. “But I'm really glad we wrapped up shooting.”

“Hopefully I’m not on tour when it comes out,” Syoko placed her hand slowly onto mine. “Maybe w-we can see it together?”

“U-uh... I don't know....” I couldn't help but fidget.

“Not embarrassed are you?”

“Course not! I'm never embarrassed of my work!”

“I'm just teasing,” Syoko said, chuckling. “You're always great no matter what you do.”

“Y-you're absolutely right!” I exclaimed with a swell of pride.

Our small conversation got cut short as a deep booming sound resonated from the speakers. Finally. We both looked at the TV just in time to see the title screen fade into view, eventually fading out once more as the scene shifted to a lone car driving along a snowy, moonlit road. The focus changed to it’s occupants: some motley looking group of people complaining about getting lost. So far, so good. Nothing scary at all. Although I was anticipating anything spooky that might jump out at us. At least we had the lights on.

This wasn't the first time I had to sit through a horror movie. And over countless movie nights in the past, I developed ‘strategies’ to try to hold any fear at bay beyond closing my eyes and covering my ears. Like right now, I took note on the casting. They had Nao Okamura as some young, nerdy guy who was fiddling on his phone, then Shiho Kitazawa as a serious looking woman complaining to her male companion that they were lost. Figures they'd get her. If there was one actress that could rival my own talent, it was that woman. Last was a nice, calm sounding character driving the car, played by Aiko Takamori. Why am I not surprised? She was the kind of woman to be typecasted into these sort of roles.

As the scenes played on, Syoko and I held hands tightly. Unlike me, she could sit through a horror movie without feeling the sheer weight of terror building inside her. There were moments when even she would get frightened by something truly scary, but overall I'm happy to have someone much braver beside I when the real scares start happening. Under the elements of horror, the plot was pretty basic: a group of friends get lost on the road and end up taking refuge at some grand, decrepit looking mansion. You can only guess what that experience would entail: otherworldly phenomenon, ominous whispers, dark spirits. The perfect recipe to terrify cute old me.

“I wonder when she's gonna show up?” Syoko mused as she grabbed some popcorn with her free hand.

“Soon, hopefully,” I replied, starting to get a little annoyed. I get that you need to build up the story first, but come on! It's been 10 minutes and they aren't even at the mansion yet! They've just been meandering in the car all this time....

“Don't worry, Sachiko-chan,” Syoko said reassuringly. It's almost like she read my mind. “Any moment now she’ll appear. She always shows up when least expected, right? Even in the movies, hehe.”

“I-I guess so....” I still felt peeved by how slow this was developing, but she had a point. After another 10 minutes (did they really have to stop by that gas station for so long?), the group finally pulled up to the mansion. I have to admit, the CGI for the whole thing looked quite impressive. I was expecting something very low quality and immersion breaking, but it actually seemed as if a massive, eerie European style mansion existed somewhere in Japan.

As they went inside, whatever loathing I felt for the pace of the movie disappeared, and once again that familiar chill made me brace for the worst. Syoko’s eyes watched the screen intently the entire time as I leaned even closer her. Now that they were inside the movie's namesake, it would only get worse from here. Right now they were being greeted by a butler (played by Genbu Kurono), who led the travelers into the spacious main hall, offering them to meet the young master of this house.

Wait... could that be....?

“Who is this master of yours?” Kitazawa asked him boldly. Despite knowing the character names, I still call them by the actor’s actual names instead.

“She is a fine young woman,” Kurono replied in a stately fashion. “It is a grave misfortune that her parents have passed away some time ago, leaving my master alone, with only my company in this grand estate.”

“And w-where is your master?” Okamura stuttered, looking quite nerved by the large, intimidating paintings that lined the walls. I absolutely felt him on that one.

Kurono didn't need to answer that. The camera shifted to a close up of the stairs case, delicate legs walking slowly down the steps. Another shot, this time from a bird's-eye view showed the rest of this person, wearing a lavish white dress finally descending to meet her guests. As she reached the ground floor, the camera shifted around to reveal this woman's soft features, her demure facial expressions amplified by blonde bangs obscuring the right side of her face.

“There she is....!” Syoko pointed as the haunting orchestral soundtrack played in the movie.

Our protagonists looked at her the same way I did: completely mesmerized by such ethereal beauty. So fragile, like she was made of fine glass. The woman smiled at the travelers with icy blue lips, contrasting her single red eye softly gazing at them.

“Welcome....” Her voice was gentle, inviting even. “I've been waiting so long for someone to come here....”

My mouth fell slightly open, my heart slightly racing as that smile started to make me feel... funny. Syoko just kept watching the scene play out, but my thoughts drifted elsewhere once I saw her face after all this time. Just like before, the world around me faded out. I no longer focused on the characters and what they were saying, or Syoko’s comments about the movie.

By then, my mind had fallen through the cracks again. To a place as vivid as the woman on screen.

 

* * *

 

“Fufufu~n. Of course I nailed the photo shoot! What else would you expect from the best?”

I was 14 back then. This memory happened some time in August. Or was it July? I can't pin down the right date, but all I remember is that we were deep into Summer, a perfect time for beaches and swimsuits under the hot bright sun. And who else could pull off such stunning visuals but I, Sachiko Koshimizu? I did a couple gravure shots for a magazine then, and I fondly remember how proud I felt showing the issue off to others at the agency, especially my friends.

“Waaah.... Sachiko-chan, you’re amazing...!”

Among all the praise I received, I vividly recall _her_ compliments. I beamed over her as she held the issue with overly long sleeved hands, her only visible eye looking at each picture with great reverence. The satisfaction I had was high that day, mostly because those nice sounding words came from my dear friend: Koume Shirasaka.

“You should take some lessons, Koume-san,” I confidently advised. “You could really outperform everyone else if you follow my lead~”

“Ah... this picture here....” Koume pointed out, oblivious to my advice. She showed me a shot I took in a magenta, frilly one piece swimsuit, sitting cutely in a shallow lagoon.

“This one captures my cuteness extremely well! What about it?”

It was here that the eerie girl started giving off a slightly unnerving smile. “I-it looks like a zombie is going to rise out of the water behind you....”

Just like the many similar comments in the past, I let out a terrifying squeak. “K-K-Koume-san! Don't say things like that!”

“S-sorry, Sachiko-chan,” Koume apologized, although her smile didn’t fade. “I just think... a zombie would be attracted to how cute you are....”

“W-well I guess. It's hard for anyone to deny how cute-- HEY! Like that still makes it okay!” I protested, putting my hands on my hips. “Geez, don't make any suggests like that.”

When I first met her -- this reserved, awkward girl with creepy hobbies and fascinations -- I honestly felt on edge. The way her eyes (or eye) grew wide with excitement over the visceral, blood curdling horror stories she told me almost made my very soul leave my body. Or how she talked about ‘that girl’ who tagged alongside her. Whoever ‘that girl’ was, I didn’t want to know. You'd think after so many encounters, I'd do everything in my power to avoid the horror obsessed girl.

But... how things ended up really surprised me.

“Anyways, how's practice for your live coming up?” I asked Koume, hoping to change the subject.

“Ah.... It's been good.” The excitement she had vanished, and that meekness usually characteristic of her resurfaced. “Trainer-san said I need to work on my dancing some more though....”

“Dancing, hm?” I pondered. “Aren’t you going to do _Yes! Party Time!_? I guess you're not used to doing songs with a lot of energy.”

“Yeah....” Koume’s face starting looking a little unsure of herself. That's no good, I decided.

“You have a week and a half, right?” I quickly asked. “I'm sure you'll be able to nail it down. After all, that song was hardly a challenge for someone such as me~ And since you are practically around my aura of success, some of that will rub off on you, making sure you deliver the best performance! I guarantee it!”

I finished my encouraging speech with a big, confident smile, holding my head high while closing both eyes as I glowed proudly. Although I soon opened up one eye to see Koume’s reaction. Just as I expected, her face practically appeared star-struck, whatever self-doubt or worry she had disappeared.

“Sachiko-chan... thank you. If you think I can do it... then I’ll definitely do my best! Ehehe.”

It actually didn't take a lot to impress her, and more often than not, Koume would always find _something_ I said to be highly admirable. But just as my words always left her in awe, her own words made me feel... different about myself. Praise and compliments were to be expected for a cute girl like me. Adoration was like my birthright. And yet, if I had to name one person whose words were always genuine, it was her. Like it had more meaning when it came from her.

“If you want, I can help you out,” I continued. “Naturally you’ll be able to pick it up faster if it's me showing you the ropes.”

“Mm!” Koume immediately agreed. “I-if you can point some things out... I'd be really grateful.”

My own smile grew less prideful, and more like one filled with warm content. That's right. Any fears I had about her creepy obsessions became an afterthought. As long as Koume looked at me with amazement, as long as I heard her say how cute I was, then maybe... that's all I needed to get through my day as an idol. I wanted to believe that’s how it would always be.

**Author's Note:**

> I've had this idea for a long time now, and finally I've taken the first steps to getting it out. If anyone is familiar with Ugetsu's aged-up 142s comics, then you'll notice several ideas regarding the girls' lifestyle that are similar between their work and this story. Some were purely coincidental, while others were directly inspired by them. 
> 
> On another note, today is Sachiko's birthday in Japan. Although not my intention, if this seems like one messed up birthday gift, I don't blame you for thinking that. In any case, I hope you enjoy what I've written, and what is to come!


End file.
